Proximity - DivX Version (Normal Quality), DVD (Good Quality), PDA Version

Proximity (2001) IMDB rating: 4.90 Plot: An inmate serving time for vehicular homicide, overhears prison guards discussing plans for a murder and becomes a target himself.

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Actors: Lowe Rob,Banks Jonathan,Carson Terrence ‘T.C.’,Santos Joe,Boone Junior Mark,Flynn David,Coburn James,Plate Scott,Mahoney Jr. Patrick E.,Sender Jack,McKay Anthony,Ellis Robert,Williams Rick,Thriller,

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What do I do about my husbands family? They keep making my baby sick!?
I have A question for fellow moms .Everywhere I go the grocery store, the mall people are ALWAYS trying to touch my son (5 months) it drives me crazy. We went to
Kanki a couple weeks ago and this Japanese waitress insisted on holding him to which I pulled him back and said "would you back off?" I cant help but be rude it just seems theres no way to be diplomatic with these people, they don’t care. Ok, my question is this: my husbands mom is always traveling out of town and is around ALOT of people. Everytime we visit her he gets sick I have tried everything to minimize our chances of going over there but my husband is starting to assume I don’t like her. That isn’t the case AT ALL but I just cant bear seeing my little one getting sick anymore. Holidays like thanksgiving, christmas, birthdays I dread them…DREAD THEM. His family literally surrounds my little baby like VULTURES every time and their not very savvy about washing their hands despite all of my insistent pleas to wash and sanitize. It is A NIGHTMARE. Last time I visited after I came through the front door I couldn’t even get to him. I was livid..All I could see was red I felt like I could wallop them away with my purse. One lady (his aunt) was so overzealous she allowed her one year old to kiss his hand to which my husband picked him up right after wards catching on to my fury.
A day later he started coughing and had a virulent cold. It has turned me into a very unfriendly person. Now I do not hesitate as to so much as offend the unstoppable admirers before they become too frisky. But I just don’t know what to do about his family
I dread the thought of it happening again. I can’t seem to be assertive without offending them. Will someone educate these people on proximity? ANY ADVICE???

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well, aren’t we all very judgemental on this……?

I personally applaud your attitude to caring for your child. As a mother of a child with a serious immune system deficiency, I am pretty aware of the serious impact of germs. My advice to you is two fold.

1. You cannot sheild your baby from all germs, even if you never left the house, no one came near your baby. I had to live in isolation for 3 months with my baby - pretty much no one came near her, certainly no one who hadn’t sanitised themselves to to point of sterility anyway!! she still got sick….she caught colds and she caught a pretty virulent stomach bug too - the tummy bug took 2 weeks for her to fight. I have seen how hard it is for a baby who has an inadequate immume system. They have to fight so so much harder and feel so much worse for longer. What I did was on medical advice and it was the right thing to do at the time, now my daughter is trying to build a natural immunity at 8 months old. I do wish she had had the opportunity to do it earlier, but we really had no choice on this we had to keep her alive.

2. If your husbands family are this inconsiderate then this needs to be addressed. Frankly what you describe is unacceptable behaviour. Not the touching the baby, but the complete disregard from a mothers choice on how SHE feels her baby should be managed. Do not allow other people to tell you what is best for your baby, it is none of their business. You sound to me like the pressure from your husbands family is the issue, not the bugs really. It is irresponsible to not wash hands in any context - there is no excuse for lack of hygiene. Asking people to be clean around a small baby is fine.

I do feel perhaps your perspective on the sickness is out of proportion, it can seem like children are ALWAYS sick and this can be very draining. If your baby is only 5 months old and has been sick alot, I can understand that you are at your wits end here and just want a period of calm without dealing with sickness ontop of all the other billion challenges of new motherhood. Sounds to me like you need to step back and take a little care of yourself here (or rather your husband needs to be doing this….) having a baby is tough, hard work and I don’t know how well you have recovered from your pregancy or the huge change of become a mum. I have moments (after spending pretty much the first 7 months of my baby’s life in hospital!) where I go overboard and if its any comfort - I have the exact same thought you describe in your post, eventually I have to face that it is my exhaustion, my worry, my slightly obessive character talking and really I need to put that in perspective.

Is there anyone who could maybe help you out a little and give you a bit of break occasionally? it may help to keep grounded. And please ignore the comments here about ”getting over yourself” etc I think it is very easy to judge and not very empathetic. All new mums struggle, some of us are just a little be more honest about it. The fact that you worry shows just how much you care about your baby. Well done

| Nov 09, 2009

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I’m afraid _you_ need to get help. Oh woe, the baby’s aunt actually touched him? No, it’s not the end of the world. You also need to do some research. Colds have FAR longer incubation periods than a single day. Your baby did not catch his cold from his aunt.

You child is probably getting sick all the time when he goes there because you’re sealing him in a bubble the rest of the time. He needs to build his immune system. He needs to interact with people who are not you. He needs to encounter dirt and germs. And you need to get over being hysterical about it.
cathrl69 | Nov 09, 2009

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I know every instinct is to protect your baby, and it is so hard to watch your child suffer when he is sick. But being overprotective (which is what you are being) is also harmful to your baby. Every interaction you have listed is totally normal. It is *not* normal to ask relatives to sanitize their hands unless your baby has some kind of serious immune deficiency or illness such as cancer and is undergoing chemo or radiation therapy.

My advice is to let it be. And think about this: all studies on the subject have shown that babies who have frequent illnesses when they are young are less likely to develop allergies later in life and build stronger immune systems, more able to fight off disease as they get older. Sanitizing everything prevents the immune systems from developing properly and they go wacky. The increase in allergies has been directly linked to the rise in the use of anti-bacterials.
Arwen | Nov 09, 2009

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Are you going to hide you family from everybody for the rest of your life? I applaud you for your awareness to the hygiene of the environment but I think you are not participating in life. If you think you have to protect your baby from everybody then why did you take the baby out at all? Your child is going to get sick, fall down, have scary moments in life, bring tears of joy and tears of pain. You will never be able to protect him from the world and all it has t experience. We actually learn from our experiences and yes our body actually learn how to fight off illness from being sick or vaccinations. So, I say perhaps you are way over protective but if you feel you are justified, see your pediatrician for their input.
tp | Nov 09, 2009

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If anything taking him to that family to be around all those colds and bugs is good for his immune system!! Everytime get gets sick it makes him so much stronger.. Keeping him wrapped in cotton wool all his life is not doing him any favors!

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